Tuesday, July 28, 2009

what to do with toxic people...

some people in our lives can be toxic.

you know that person that you're around, maybe a friend, a person you go to church with, or even a family member that seems to always breed the wrong emotions and the wrong actions in your life when you're around them?

many times as followers of Christ, in the name of love, we have allowed these toxic people deeply into our lives and we are worse off for it. many times we think that just being passive is being loving; that just letting it go all the time is the Christ-like thing to do. we say to ourselves "the Bible says to love our enemies and do good to those who despitefully use us and persecute us, so i'll just continue to hand the hammer to this toxic person to beat me over the head with it every time i see them in the name of love."

while it is true that the Bible says to love our enemies, even the toxic people, it also tells us just as strongly to build healthy boundaries between ourselves and others who are delivering poison into our lives. the truth is that we can still do good to our enemies and still love them in a Christ-like way while establishing healthy and necessary boundaries with them.

so where does the Bible say this you ask? many places, but im going to give you one now.

2Th 3:14 ESV - "If anyone does not obey what we say in this letter, take note of that person, and have nothing to do with him, that he may be ashamed. v. 15 Do not regard him as an enemy, but warn him as a brother."

here is the Apostle Paul speaking to the church at Thessalonica and telling them to establish boundaries in their lives with certain toxic people. he tells them to "have nothing to do with" a person that doesnt obey Scripture and also doesnt submit to the authority of the leaders of the church, yet still calls himself a brother. basically a person who talks the talk, but doesnt walk the walk. Paul said that is not a person we should have a close, open relationship with.

i can hear the questions already; what if its a mom, dad, husband, wife, sister, brother, boss? Scripture speaks specifically to each one of these cases, however Godly wisdom would note that your relationship would still have to have healthy boundaries in these cases in order to be fruitful. the precedent of what Paul said here would remain in these cases.

remember the key here though is what is says in verse 15 which is to "warn him/her as a brother/sister" not to "regard them as an enemy". the boundary that we develop with toxic people is not to hurt them, it's to grab their attention. it's to cause them to say, "wait, why are you distancing yourself from me?"

Paul's intentions were always to restore and not to hurt. however he knew that sometimes love was tough, and it established boundaries in order to express itself clearly to the other party. from the position of these healthy and safe boundaries, we can then do good to those that use us, bless them, and pray for them.

the other part of this is that Jesus is the Good Shepherd, our Senior Pastor, who wants to protect us from toxic relationships as much as possible. just as you and i long to protect our kids, how much more our Heavenly Father longs to protect us? He wants us to have fruitful, Godly, and life-giving relationships with others.

following the principles of His Word will breed life into you and your relationships. some people may choose to never change, however many people will change simply because of the boundary that you placed in your relationship with them in a Christ-like way. you will also feel more emotionally and spiritually healthy once you develop these boundaries.

remember, this is Scriptural. so do it in confidence of Gods Word.

God is good.

p.s. - other boundary building Scriptures are 2 Thessalonians 3:6 and Titus 3:10 just to name a couple more.

Monday, July 20, 2009

what a punk...

have you ever felt like you were in the zone? you know those moments when everything was going right, it seemed like everything you touched turned to gold. i believe God leads us into seasons of victorious living.

unfortunately, these seasons do not determine whether we run the race God has set before us successfully. it's how we respond to the seasons when everything is falling apart and going wrong that determines how successful in life that we are.

in my life, there was a point that the Holy Spirit identified to me a recurring problem. this problem was that i had a lack of perseverance; no determination to push through sickness, sin, and disappointment.

actually i had certain habitual vices that i would flee to in the time of adversity. i would create the excuses in my mind before i went there, and basically comfort myself and prepare myself for the flying leap onto my face that i was about to take. all the while, convincing myself with the aid of the enemy, that I somehow needed or deserved this vice because of my current circumstance or state of mind due to the aforementioned problems.

i used to believe that I was a Warrior for Christ. what a joke. My life had become the epitome of the Scripture in Proverbs that states, "if you faint in the day of adversity, your strength is small" (prov. 24:10).

typically I would get sick, get discouraged and/or disappointed because of certain circumstances and then use them as an excuse to give a vacation to my carnality. I was weak. Unexcercised in my faith, not persevering through trouble.

it's in these moments that i typically remember paul and silas who were beaten for preaching the Gospel and thrown into jail. yet they tapped into God's strength due to the lack of their own and turned from their carnality to the Living God; singing praises to God from a cold, damp and bloody jail cell.

it's in these moments i've felt like a punk.

have you felt like i have before.....a weakling who follows Christ soft, not hard.......when it's convenient or worth our while.......when we are in the seasons of victory and it's all smiles and Scriptures and joel osteen sermons and Bibles and laptops and starbucks? it's easy to follow Christ during these times.

what about after the beatings?.....the failures?.....the sicknesses?.......the disappointments?.....even through the times of God's discipline?

interesting that the word discipline is where we derive the word "disciple". if I call myself a disciple of Christ, that means that i am following the disciplines that Christ demonstrated in His life.

Jesus persevered, always trusting in His Father to take care of and provide for Him. He always demonstrated a quiet confidence knowing that His Father would take care of the current situations facing Him. He told us continually to "have faith in God" and to "not let our hearts be troubled".

does that mean we should always "game-face" our circumstances? no. Jesus wept profusely facing His ultimate trial, somehow even crying what was like tears of blood.

Jesus PERSEVERED although. He grabbed His Fathers hand and went forward towards His destiny.

let's learn this discipline from Jesus; the discipline of perseverance.

I won't be a punk.

God help me follow hard.....by Your Strength, Your ability in me.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

the Power of Perseverance

i love this Scripture....

"He who has BEGUN a good work in you WILL CONTINUE IT until the DAY OF CHRIST." Phil. 1:6

we all come to moments in life where we face a mountain thats higher than any we've faced before; a trial, tribulation, or hardship that's like none other. these are the defining moments in life that reveal who and what we are truly living for.

after all, it's not what happens on the first day of marriage that matters, but where you are on the last. as wonderful as it is, it's not the first day of our childrens lives that matters most, but it's where they are on their last day on this earth that reveals who they are and who they are living for.

the Apostle Paul in writing this letter to the church at Philippi reminded us of this. he said it's not how you begin that's the most important, it's trusting in God to continue his work in us UNTIL THE DAY OF CHRIST; where we are on the last day is most important.

i recently have had two good friends go through difficult times simultaneously. both were married and had been married for years. one had recently had his wife leave after confronting her about an online affair she was having. the other found out her husband had had a girlfriend for over a year.

ive been able to watch how these two are handling their current hardships, and ive found that they are handling these hardships very differently.

my one friend has given in to sin. he's drinking, given in to sexual immorality, and has surrounded himself with people that partner with him in these works of darkness. he has started to implode and has stopped persevering through his trials. my friend is choosing not to allow Christ "to continue the good work" that He started in his life.

my other friend is handling her hardship 180 degrees differently. i recently connected with her on Facebook and heres what she wrote me:

"My Husband has a girlfriend and has had one for a long time. I believed we could get past it, we went to marriage counseling.... we did individual therapy.... There comes a point when enough is enough. I believe deep down he is a great guy who has made and continues to make awful choices. I (recently) filed for divorce. We will never work unless he believes in God. He said he wants to believe in God but just can't.

I KNOW that God has fantastic things in store for me and my little ones. There have been lots of little bumps in the road, but I totally see the light at the end of the tunnel and I appreciate all the new doors that are opening up for my family.

I have been doing a lot of house cleaning... I am only keeping the positive, God-loving people in my life. I try to read the Bible and Joel OSteen and journal daily to keep me focused and on the right path. It is incredibly easy to go down the other road. I've been there, done that, its not for me!"

notice the difference.....one is allowing Christ to continue the work that He started in them, while one is not. one is allowing their current hardship to define their lives, while one has turned their hardship into their "defining moment". she is allowing Christ to cause her to "persevere".

Perseverance is the gift of God to get us from the "first day" to our "last day". it's our partnering and surrendering to God in the middle of our most difficult day to allow God to finish what He's started.

the enemy loves to tell us that our best days are behind us. let me tell you that God says your best days are still ahead.

turn those hardships into defining moments. by partnering with Christ and allowing Him to continue working in us in the midst of our hardships, we become people who persevere by God's strength and grace.

may the power of Christ be with you all. Christ is the power to persevere.

Monday, July 6, 2009

got irritation?

do you ever find yourself irritated and easily angered?

truth is that we all do for various reasons: kids, wife, job, family, friends, bills, drivers, weather, money, wrong sandwich in the drive-thru. life is full of irritations and things that can light our fire.

God's Word says in 1 Corinthians 13 that God's love enables us to be slow to anger and to become less irritable.

"love is not.....irritable (easily angered in the NIV)" 1 cor. 13:5

when i think about it, im typically irritated by the things that get in the way of what i want to do. if im driving, i want everyone to get out of my way. if im at home, i want the kids to be quiet so i can watch tv. to be honest, irritability and anger emerge from our selfishness, our own ambitions.

there's a powerful prayer that Paul the Apostle prays in Ephesians 3. he prays that God would help him become "rooted and grounded in love" (vs. 17). he then asks to know God's love so that he could understand how much God loves not only him, but all the saints, all of his brothers and sisters in Christ. (vs. 18)

isnt it time to release our selfishness to God, and gain a broad view of God's love; not to just know how much He loves and cares for us, but how much He loves and cares for those around us; for others.

Corinthians says this type of love will stop irritability and anger in its tracks.

we must be aware of the fact that our ambitions, agendas, and needs arent the only ones that matter. God's love will make us mindful of the needs and agendas of the people around us as well.

i encourage you to pray for what paul did in Ephesians 3; that God's love would grow in us. knowing His love leads to the fullness of God. (vs. 19)

how He loves....

Thursday, July 2, 2009

be yourself...

i realized that over the last while i had been trying to be someone that im not.

for those of you that know me, you know that im a straight shooter. i dont like a lot of fluff, and when it comes to the people God has entrusted me with to Pastor, i dont have a lot of patience for the things that come in between them and God. im not really a beat around the bush kind of guy.

of course this has gotten me into a number of peoples dog houses before, but i honestly from the bottom of my heart long to see the people i pastor serve Christ with all they have. i hate the things that separate us from God and His best.

my personality has been criticized by some over the years because of the aforementioned.

my error has been that ive allowed the desire for the approval of others to cause me not to enjoy myself and who God's wired me to be.

God has made me that guy that's the straight shooter, that's bold. not to say that i've done everything right, that's for sure. however, i am who God made me to be. He's always refining us into a better, more Christ-like version of ourselves, but we need to recognize who God made us to be.

i had been a little frustrated lately, and now i know why. i have been trying to be who others have wanted me to be. i havent been the guy that God created me to be.

no more. i may not be the best pastor in the world, the best dad in the world, the best husband in the world, but i am the best that I CAN BE.

i am going to be myself, and i encourage you to do the same.

how He loves....

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

extraordinary encounters with God

remember back to the last time you had an extraordinary encounter with God.

think about your feelings in the midst of that encounter. were you burdened with the weight of your shortcomings? did you feel as though you werent worthy to be in His Presence? maybe you were so concerned with receiving an answer to prayer that you didn't enjoy God's Presence as you could've.

whenever i've experienced the Presence of God during worship or prayer in an extraordinary encounter, i've known all of these things; feelings of inadequacy, a broad view of my weaknesses, and an inability to transfer focus from my needs to God.

however, as ive went deeper into His Presence, these things begin to shed away. one by one, they begin to be thrown off by the power of His Presence.

i realize that im His son, and that my sins are washed away. i begin to feel His heart of love for me.

i realize that He is my strength, and it's by Him that i will overcome our my own weaknesses. i begin to feel His heart of love for me.

i realize that He is the loving and strong Shepherd who is able to take care of everyone one of my needs without my assistance. i begin to feel His heart of love for me.

see, as we draw near, we begin to "bend beneath the weight of His wind and glory."* the concerns and fears we have are swallowed up by the gulf that is His grace. i realize that i had been worried about things that were in the Hand of the Father when i am in His Presence.

then i'm hushed.

i find that at certain points when im in Gods Presence that i can think, do, or say almost nothing.

it's at this point that i realize that i'm encountering the love of God. nothing else matters in this moment. there are no other feelings to feel, no other words to say.

i stand weightlessly on my own two feet, as the wind of His Presence and grace overcome me like a hurricane.

how He loves us.