how He loves us...

my hearts been a pool this week.

it started at desperation conference 09 in colorado springs. when you're in true fellowship with God for 3 days straight pretty much nonstop you connect to Gods heart.

for me the climax of the conference was when kari jobe and the desperation band on friday sang a song i hadnt heard before titled "how he loves". it was a song written by john mark mcmillan.

its a song filled with passionate lyrics about how the Fathers love for us is like a hurricane, in which we are a tree. under the power of His wind and mercy we are pummeled with the beatings and longings of His heart for us.

when i encounter God in a deeper sense, gone are the thoughts of insufficiency, of inadequacy, of self-loathing. His heart violently pounding in my ear wont allow me to be centered on anything other than His love for me.

i came to the conclusion that many times when i enter into seasons of feeling hopelessly insufficient as a follower of Christ it's simply because i havent been connected to the Presence of God. many times the general noise of life tries to drown out the wonderful noise of the beating heart of the Father, so madly in love with us.

in lieu of the Presence of God many times we fill our lives with religious practices that on the surface seem to be a good idea, but they always miss the point. the point is connecting in loving fellowship with our Father; this is why we exist. each one of us.

maybe its fasting for you, or Scripture reading, or "hail mary's", or giving to the homeless, or praying, or any other religious practice that alleviates the conscience from feeling a sense of heaviness or weight.

ive dealt with that heaviness since i began following Christ. i now know what it is.....

....it's the lack of hearing the beating heart of the Father. it's a lack of connecting to God in loving fellowship, experienced as a desire of our heart and not as a duty.

ive decided to never seek God out of a sense of duty. if i feel pressure on me, whether it is self-imposed or thrown at me from darkness, i will not submit to that impulse. however, i am drawn to God by His Grace, never "duty".

after all, i dont want my wife, friends, or kids to spend time with me because they have to. when they know how good i am to them, how my heart beats for them, they want to spend time with Dad. the same is so of our Father.

if its out of duty that you fast, pray, read, or go to church eventually you will fail out of frustration.

however, when you experience the love of God, the love that's like a hurricane, that "bends you beneath the weight of His wind and mercy", you long to be with Him. nothing else in life will do.

how He loves us....